


Romanced by the Seeker

by Zucheenee



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Wooing, but like cassandra's a big idiot who doesn't realize she's wooing the inquisitor, this is not a solas sympathetic fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-13 01:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18022232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zucheenee/pseuds/Zucheenee
Summary: "What had she done wrong, to not even warrant a goodbye? I love you. He had said. Then love all of me. She had said."After Solas left, and subsequently broke Inquisitor Cabhar Lavellan's heart, she felt lost. Cabhar went to her best friend, Cassandra, for comfort, and found a love that had been in front of her the whole time.





	Romanced by the Seeker

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was made because of a strong desire for the inquisitor i made to romance solas to have a happy ending!! he doesn't deserve her and that's just the tea y'all!! 
> 
> Pronunciations: Cabhar - Caavar & Fiatach - Feeataw

The night Solas left, Cabhar drank until she couldn't stand up. She went to her room after escaping the party, sat on her floor, and drank. As she sat on the floor, crying, she wondered what exactly she had done wrong. Had she agreed to let him remove her vallaslin, would he have trusted her? She reached up to touch her face, hand ghosting over her tattoos inspired after Mythal. What had she done wrong, to not even warrant a goodbye? _I love you._ He had said. _Then love all of me._ She had said.

 

That night, she drank until she couldn't stand, and then fell asleep on the floor.

 

***

 

When Cabhar awoke the next morning, it was because Cassandra was shaking her awake. She groaned, and covered her eyes. Her head was pounding, her mouth was dry, and she had a crick in her neck.

 

"Inquisitor, how much did you drink last night?" Cassandra said, looking at the array of bottles on the floor.

 

"Cassandra," Cabhar said as she rubbed her eyes. "How many times must I ask you to call me Cabhar?"

 

"Once more, Inquisitor." She said, the corners of her mouth upturning slightly. The corners of her eyes crinkled, and Cabhar found herself managing a small smile in return. "Do you want to talk about it, or do you just want me to get some food?"

 

"Food first," Cabhar said. Cassandra nodded and stood up, then offered Cabhar her hand. Cabhar took it, trying to keep from vomiting as the room spun around her. "Steady," Cassandra said, her hands on Cabhar's shoulders.

 

"I'm fine," Cabhar said. Cassandra raised a brow, and let Cabhar lean on her as they went over to the couch.

 

"Sure," Cassandra said. "I'll be right back." Cabhar nodded, and leaned back into the couch. She closed her eyes, sighing. _No matter what comes, what we had was real._ Her eyes shot open, her lip wobbled at the memory. If she had known that he was leaving, if she had known that he... Well, it didn't matter. Solas was gone, and Leliana's agents had no idea where he went. She had a feeling that he knew something was coming, even though they had just defeated Corypheus.

 

What was coming? He knew something, but he was gone. He was probably halfway across the world by now, she thought. What had she done to deserve this? Why couldn't he just stay? She loved him, and she thought he loved her too. _Then love all of me._ They had been standing in a grove in front of a waterfall. It seemed like a haven, like a paradise only the two of them knew about.

 

When she said that, he looked so sad. Did he know even then that something was coming? When did he look at her and think: I don't love you enough to stay. Cabhar wished, more than anything, that she could go back in time to last night. That she could beg him to stay, that she could tell him how much she loved him. The sound of her door opening and closing caught her attention, and then Cassandra came up the stairs with a platter. On it was a variety of nuts, cheese, fruit, and meats.

 

Cassandra handed her a tall glass of water, and some medicine. Cabhar took it, and the tray along with it.

 

"Thanks," she said. Cassandra nodded, and then sat down. As Cabhar started picking around the plate, Cassandra cleared her throat.

 

"I am aware I am not the most... delicate person. I am not skilled at dealing with... feelings, but you are my friend. In fact, you are my greatest friend. If you need to talk, I will do my best." Cassandra said haltingly, rubbing the back of her neck. Cabhar chuckled, and patted Cassandra on the back.

 

"You're sweet," she said, and Cassandra blushed. "I don't think it's fully hit me yet. I keep asking myself why he did it, why he left. I don't know, I just... I thought that I had found the one. I looked at him, one night when he was in my bed and I thought, how did I get so lucky?" She sighed, and then took a bite of cheese and meat. "I thought he felt the same, but I was wrong."

 

"Maybe he couldn't tell you because you would be in danger. Maybe he was only trying to protect you. I bet he still cares." Cassandra said, squeezing Cabhar's shoulder.

 

"He should've told me." She said, then looked down at her hands clasped in her lap. "Do you remember when Fenris showed up, coming after Hawke for leaving him without saying anything? That's how I feel, but unlike Fenris, I don't have Varric to tell me where he shows up." She said.

 

"I remember, he was furious. I don't think I've ever seen a man try to apologize so quickly. Fenris is quite the force to be reckoned with." Cassandra chuckled, shaking her head. "For the record, you deserve someone you don't have to chase after."

 

"Thank you," Cabhar said, covering her eyes to cover her watery eyes. Cassandra pulled her into a hug, and she clutched at Cassandra's shirt.

 

"Everything will be alright, I truly believe that." Cassandra whispered, and Cabhar tried to nod, but choked on a sob. She couldn't hold it back, and cried on Cassandra's shoulder. She was shaking, Cassandra was rubbing her back. When she finally stopped, Cabhar pulled back and wiped her eyes.

 

"I'm sorry, I think it just hit me all of a sudden. He's not coming back."

 

"No, I don't think he is." Cassandra said, her hand Cabhar's arm. Cabhar sighed, and wiped her nose on a napkin. "So what are you going to do?"

 

"I don't know. Any suggestions?" She said, managing a small chuckle.

 

"Whatever you do, do not let this define you. You are more than that, you are worth more than that." She said, making eye contact with Cabhar.

 

"Okay." She said, and shook her head. "You make it sound so easy."

 

"I know it is not." Cassandra said softly, and Cabhar leaned into her. "But I believe in you."

 

***

 

A few days later, Leliana was packing up her things. She had been elected as Divine, partly due to Cabhar's support. Cabhar was glad it was Leliana, she knew that Leliana would do her best to change things. She had considered supporting Cassandra, had even respected her goals. Cabhar had two reasons, one was clear: the chantry needed radical change so that the small gains made over time couldn't be reversed as soon as a new Divine was elected. The second reason, she couldn't quite put into words. Cassandra was her best friend, and sometimes, she thought about how she would have coped without her.

 

Without Cassandra, she wouldn't have had someone to check her when she started being too idealistic. True, they argued fiercely when Cabhar recruited the mages over the Templars, but she always respected where Cassandra was coming from. There was something about her, something that made her want to keep Cassandra by her side for as long as possible. Corypheus was dead, and the Inquisition needed new purpose or else it would dissolve. What would she do without everyone? They were all dear friends of hers, and had formed a circle of strong bonds.

 

They dined together every evening, and Cabhar loved playing wicked grace and seeing who would lose miserably. She loved to play chess with Cullen, to play pranks with Sera, to sit with Cole and introduce him to new foods, to chat with Blackwall as he worked, to bother Varric endlessly about his new books, to debate with Dorian and... Her breath caught as she remembered to long debates Dorian and Solas would have. Dorian would lean over the railing, and throw a book at Solas as proof of his argument. Cabhar would laugh, sometimes helping Dorian, and sometimes dodging books with Solas.

 

"You're going to be amazing." Cabhar said as Leliana finished packing up the last of her things. Some chantry priests were coming to pick her up that morning, and Cabhar was taking advantage of their last conversation in person. Well, their last in person conversation for a while, at least.

 

"You're the one who supported me, I'd be surprised if you thought any less." Leliana said with a smirk as she sat at her desk for what was probably the last time.

 

"It won't be the same around here without you." Cabhar said, leaning against the railing. "We'll miss you."

 

"I assure you my replacement is more than capable." She said, and Cabhar shook her head slightly.

 

"I meant that we'll miss you," she said, placing emphasis on the last word. Leliana sat in silence for a moment before smiling. "Now I'm getting all teary."

 

"Sorry," Leliana said. "I'll always be available to talk, even if I'm not here." She said, and Cabhar nodded. "Zevran should be here soon, and I have no doubt the Warden will be with him. You'll like her, she's an incredible woman." She said, with a fond faraway look on her face.

 

"What was she like, back then?" Cabhar asked, and Leliana bit her lip, looking up in thought.

 

"Fiatach is a thoughtful person, since she grew up in the circle, so many things were new to her back then. She can be reserved, but she's always watching everything. She's sharp, not much gets past Fiatach." She said, and Cabhar nodded along. Leliana sighed, leaning back in her chair. "I regret that I will not get to spend more time with them." She said, and before she could say anything else a messenger came up the stairs.

 

"My lady Inquisitor, lady Nightingale," he said and bowed quickly to both of them. "The new spymaster has arrived, along with the Warden." He said, and Cabhar nodded to him. He rushed back down the stairs, and shortly after Cabhar heard more footsteps. Leliana stood up, a genuine smile on her face as the Warden and Zevran came up the stairs. Leliana embraced them both, and they spoke in hurried and hushed tones between the three of them.

 

"Excuse my rudeness, Inquisitor, this is Zevran and Warden Fiatach." She said, and both of them bowed quickly to her. Cabhar blushed, the Warden was bowing to her? Surely it should've been the other way around.

 

"Please, there is no need to bow." She said, flustered. "If anyone should be bowing, it would be me." She said, rubbing the back of her neck. Zevran chuckled, and Fiatach smiled slightly.

 

"It is a pleasure to meet the Inquisitor at last." Zevran said, and Fiatach nodded.

 

"I apologize for my absence, but I have brought some findings back for study. I figured, if Zevran was to be the new spymaster I could utilize the Inquisition's resources." Fiatach said, and Cabhar smiled slightly.

 

"Of course," Cabhar said.

 

"We don't have much time, come, let's walk." Leliana said, motioning to Zevran and Fiatach to follow her. "You're welcome to join us, Inquisitor."

 

"That's kind of you, but I don't want to intrude. If I don't see you again before you leave, good luck. We'll miss you, but I know you will do great things." Cabhar said, and Leliana crossed the room to hug her tightly. Cabhar squeaked in surprise, but hugged Leliana back after a moment.

 

"Thank you, my friend, that means a lot." She said as she pulled back.

 

"Go on," Cabhar said, inclining her head towards Fiatach and Zevran. Leliana smiled, and went down the stairs with her two friends in tow.

 

***

 

"Why do you even like these books?" Cabhar said, lying on a couch in Cassandra's quarters, a book in her hands. She looked at Cassandra, who paused in her reading to look at Cabhar. After she found out about Cassandra's love of romance novels, she committed to reading Swords and Shields from the beginning with Cassandra.

 

"Am I not allowed to like cheesy romance stories?" She said, and Cabhar rolled her eyes.

 

"Pretty sure we've had this conversation before. Nobody's saying you can't like romance novels, but these are so cheesy! Cassandra, you must know how cheesy they are." Cabhar said, rolling onto her side and putting the book on a table nearby.

 

"I know, that's why I like them."

 

"You're impossible." She said, and Cassandra laughed at that. "I thought reading these cheesy romance stories would cheer me up, but if anything it makes me jealous." She said. It had been a week since they defeated Corypheus. A week since Solas left without a single warning.

 

"Jealous?" Cassandra asked, putting a bookmark in and putting the book down on the coffee table in front of her.

 

"Yeah, I read about these people falling in love. They would do anything for each other, they would never abandon one another. I want that so bad." She said, and then sighed.

 

"You will have that." Cassandra said, standing up and sitting down next the Cabhar in the middle of the couch. She put a hand on Cabhar's shoulder, and squeezed it.

 

"But he's gone," Cabhar said. She wiped her eyes, trying to keep from crying again. Cabhar knew that she had already wasted too much time crying that week. There was too much to do, which was ironic in her opinion, given that they had literally just saved the world.

 

"Perhaps he is not the one you are meant to have a cheesy romance story with." Cassandra said gently, and Cabhar met her eyes. Every one of her friends had expressed their sympathy, that they were sure he would come back. None of them had the guts to suggest something different. Cabhar already knew he wouldn't be back anytime soon, but she appreciated that they were all trying to make her feel better.

  
"I know it's awful, that maybe it makes me weak or something, but if he walked back through that door right now I'd take him back." She said, and sat up next to Cassandra. She leaned her head on Cassandra's shoulder. "Isn't that funny? He broke my heart, and I'd go back to him."

 

"You love him," Cassandra said softly. _This is the first time I've felt this way in a long time._ He said once late at night. They were lying in bed, Cabhar was reading reports by the candlelight. _Oh yeah?_ She said. He had said nothing in response, only held her closer. Had all of that been a lie?

 

"I wish I could just stop loving him, everything would be so much easier."

 

"It doesn't work like that." She said, and Cabhar laughed at that.

 

"If it did, I'd be over it already." She said, and Cassandra chuckled at that. They sat in silence for a few moments before Cassandra put her arm around Cabhar.

 

"We don't have to read these together, you know."

 

"I know, I want to anyways." Cabhar said, and Cassandra patted her on the back.

 

"Stubborn," she said, and Cabhar bumped her with her shoulder. "You always have been."

 

"You know me, I like to be difficult." She said, remembering the words of the head hunter back in the clan. _Cabhar, must you be so difficult? It's late, get to bed._ Breda said after catching Cabhar practicing archery after everyone else had gone to bed. Again. With four siblings, she had to distinguish herself somehow, so Cabhar promised herself that she would become the best hunter in clan Lavellan. _I'm practicing._ She said, and notched another arrow. _Lethallan, there is no need to rush through your life, wishing you were better. Everything comes in time._ Breda ushered her off to bed many times during her childhood, but Cabhar never forgot what she said that night.

 

"That's a word for it." Cassandra said, and Cabhar smiled.

 

***

 

"I need another drink, if we're gonna go another round." Cabhar said, putting down her hand of cards. It was their third round of wicked grace, and Cabhar had no doubt Josephine would beat them all yet again. She went to the bar, waving her hand as other shouted their order at her. She ordered another round of ale, and then went back to the table.

 

"Tell them that story, Zevran!" Fiatach said, covering her mouth with her cards to try and stifle her giggles.

 

"It's an inappropriate story for polite company, my love." He said with a twinkle in his eyes, rearranging his cards. Sera snorted out a laugh before taking a long swig of her ale.

 

"I assure you, this is not polite company." Bull said, winking at Zevran, who winked back.

 

"Well, then," Zevran said. He cleared his throat after taking a drink of his ale. "This all happened a long time ago, back when we were still clomping about in Ferelden trying to save the world. Fiatach and I had not told anyone about our relationship, and some people in our party had already picked up on. Others, however, like our dear Alistair, wouldn't pick up on something unless you shoved it in his face."

 

Fiatach snorted at that one. Cabhar remembered rumors she heard about Fiatach's relationship with the king of Ferelden. Ever since she chose to spare Loghain, the word was that things were rocky between them. Fiatach wondered what happened with that. In the fade, Divine Justinia's spirit, or whatever it was, distracted the demon long enough for them to escape. Hawke and Loghain went back with the Wardens together. Cabhar wondered why Fiatach decided to come to Skyhold, and not back to the Wardens.

 

"Well, we needed to wash up after that. We went to the nearby river, and stripped down." Cabhar tuned back into the story, grinning as some of her friends laughed. "I forgot Alistair was on watch, and he turned the corner and saw the Warden buck naked in the river. I was obscured by the shadow of the tree behind me, and Alistair drew his sword." Fiatach had a hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh. "He drew his sword, and shouted at Fiatach that there was someone behind her. He went running into the river, brandishing his sword at me. I screamed, it was manly I assure you. Suddenly he realized it was me, and I was completely naked."

 

Cabhar laughed before taking a swig of her ale. Cassandra tossed her head back in laughter, and Cabhar watched the glint of the candle light on Cassandra's black hair. She really did look amazing, and more carefree than Cabhar had seen her in a while. She loved to see Cassandra smile, took pride in knowing she was one of the few people who could inspire her to smile.

 

"He looked between us, face red as a tomato, then put away his sword when he realized what was going on. Carry on, he said, and ran out of the river and back into the forest like his hair was on fire." Zevran said, and Fiatach dissolved into laughter.

 

"His face went through the five stages of grief, I swear!" Fiatach managed to choke out between laughs.

 

"Did he say anything afterwards?" Varric said with a smirk.

 

"The next day he couldn't even look us in the eye. The day after that, he said congratulations and then scurried away." Zevran said. At that, the table broke into raucous laughter again.

 

"I love that story." Fiatach said, wiping at her eyes.

 

"Varric, tell one next!" Sera demanded, raising her pint of ale. He nodded as he dealt another hand, and Sera whooped. He looked at Cabhar, raising a brow, and she shook her head.

 

"I've lost enough money to Josephine tonight." She said, and Josephine smirked at that. "I'm going to turn in, I'll see all of you tomorrow." She said, and said her goodbyes to her friends.

 

"Well, it all started when..." Varric's voice grew more distant as Cabhar left the tavern. She breathed in deeply, the cool night air a welcome balm. The tavern was stuffy inside, and the fresh air reminded her of home.

 

"Cabhar," Cassandra said. Cabhar turned on her heel as Cassandra approached her. "Care for a walk?"

 

"Sure," Cabhar said, motioning for Cassandra to lead. They walked in silence, up the nearby steps to the battlements.

 

"I find that a walk helps me clear my head." She said, and Cabhar hummed in response. "This may not come as a surprise to you, but I do not enjoy being around people all day."

 

"Do I not count as people?" Cabhar asked, looking at Cassandra. The moonlight reflected in her dark eyes, on her hair. When Cassandra turned her head to look at Cabhar, it looked as though there were stars in her eyes.

 

"When I am around you, I do not get the same feeling as when I am around everyone else. So, I guess, in a way, you don't count as people." She said, and Cabhar snorted a laugh. "I don't mean in it in a bad way," Cassandra said, blushing. "I just mean that you..." She stammered, rubbing the back of her neck.

 

"I get what you mean." Cabhar said. Cassandra met her eyes, and Cabhar smirked.

 

"Being around you isn't draining." She said after they walked in silence for a few moments.

 

"You're sweet," she said, bumping her shoulder against Cassandra's. "Sometimes, when I come outside and smell the fresh air it reminds me of home for just a moment. In that moment, I desperately want to pack my things and run back to my clan."

 

"You almost did, one of those first nights." Cassandra said, and Cabhar looked at her with a raised brow.

 

"You remember that?" She asked, and Cassandra nodded. _I can't stay here anymore._ She had said, walking with her pack to the gate. Cassandra had walked behind her, but Cabhar refused to look at her. _These people think I'm their savior, but I'm not. I'm just one woman, what can I do?_ Cassandra had put her hand on Cabhar's arm. _You can give them hope to fight on, even if you don't believe you are the Maker's chosen._ She had said. Cabhar paused, wanting to shake off Cassandra's hand but choosing not to, for some unknowable reason. _What do you believe?_ She had said. _I believe that you are a good person, and it is hard for a good person to do what you have been called to do._

 

They returned to Haven, after that. Cabhar had decided to stay, even knowing that if she did, it was a point of no return. She was faced with two options: run away to the safety and comfort of her clan only to watch the world go to shit, or face the prospect of being the Maker's chosen. And so, she stayed.

 

"Why did you decide to stay? I don't believe what I said was particularly inspiring. In fact, I'd say it was the opposite." Cassandra said with a chuckle, shaking her head ruefully.

 

"If you had tried to inspire me to stay, I probably would have left." Cabhar said with a shrug, and Cassandra shot her a questioning look. "You were honest, that's what won me over. If you had been there, trying to convince me to stay, or trying to inspire me to believe... Well, it would've made me think you were just like everyone else."

 

"Am I?" She asked, and at Cabhar's silence said: "Like everyone else, that is?" They continued their path along the battlements, nearly empty except for the patrols watching along the walls, in silence. Cabhar stopped a few moments later, and Cassandra stopped slightly in front of her. She turned around, facing Cabhar, when Cabhar reached for her hand and squeezed it.

 

"Of course not," she said softly. "You amaze me, you know. I never would've thought we'd be friends, but you, you challenge me in every way possible."

 

"You challenge me too. To expand my thinking, to look at it from another viewpoint." Cassandra said, squeezing Cabhar's hand back. "I have never known someone like you."

 

"Someone who wasn't afraid to go toe to toe with you, you mean?" Cabhar said with a smirk, and Cassandra rolled her eyes.

 

"Don't get too full of yourself." She said, and with a laugh they continued their walk. "But yes, that is something I like about you."

 

"I knew it." Cabhar said, grinning wide. "You like me." She teased, and Cassandra blushed.

 

"Now you're just being insufferable." Cassandra said, groaning when Cabhar laughed. "I'm leaving before your ego gets too big to fit in Skyhold." She said as they came down the steps on the side of the battlements, to a side entrance into the castle.

 

"It's your own fault, you know." Cabhar called out as Cassandra walked away.

 

"Good night, Cabhar." She said, throwing the words over her shoulder. Cabhar grinned, watching her go. If someone told her a year ago that she would be best friends with her captor, who was also a Seeker, she would've laughed. Now, well, Cabhar sometimes felt things were changing out of her control. She became friends with Cassandra and the inner circle, fell in love with Solas, and then... Saved the world? How did she do that? Sometimes she felt as though the person who came into the Inquisition all that time ago was gone. Cabhar was the figurehead of an organization she believed in, but heralded as the prophet of a religion she didn't care about. The Herald of Andraste. Ugh.

 

Sometimes, when she was surrounded by Chantry priests and believers trying to flatter her, or ask her about her beliefs as a Dalish elf, or expound on the good deeds of the Maker, Cabhar wanted to scream: I am not like you! But then, how did she know, that she wasn't? How did she know she wasn't faithful in something that didn't even exist, just like them? She knew Andraste wasn't the one who sent her, that had been Divine Justinia. Maybe everything she believed was wrong, maybe the Chantry was wrong. After all she had seen, everything she had experienced...

 

Cabhar believed in the Creators, of course she did. She started to make her way back to her room, lost in thought. She had heard all the stories growing up, had taken Mythal's vallaslin. Of course she believed in the Creators. She believed so staunchly until she met Corypheus, who claimed he had seen the throne of the Maker, but how could she trust him? She remembered Solas snorting derisively when she asked him if he believed in the Creators, remembered the disgusted look on his face when he talked about how many traditions had been lost.

 

 _Then why don't you help us, if you know so much?_ She had asked, and he stiffened as he stood over his desk. _It is not that simple._ He said. _Then make it that simple._ She said, as she walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. The thought of Solas made her heart ache, and she pulled open the door to her room. She was tired. Not just physically, it was like a bone deep ache that never went away. Ever since she became the Herald, she had felt it when they pulled late nights all the time talking strategy.

 

Those days they spent trekking across the Hinterlands, or the Emerald Graves, or wherever they happened to be, she felt it. She felt it when negotiating with the mages, when welcoming the Templars who escaped Sampson. It was like this irresistible voice, calling to her, telling her to just give in. When she was with Solas, she felt it dissipate a bit, as if he was sharing the ache with her. Cabhar had a feeling he had been tired like that for a long time.

 

Cabhar shucked off her over shirt, not even bothering to change pants when she laid down on her bed. It was over, she thought. Why couldn't she stop thinking about it? She buried her face in a pillow, and sighed. Two weeks ago, all she had when Corypheus attacked was her bow and the love of Solas, now she did not even have that.

 

***

 

"You're so boring now." Sera said two days later, twirling her hair around her index finger. They were sitting in her hidey hole in the tavern, Cabhar was leaning her head on the window. "Ever since Elfy left, you're all doom and gloom."

 

"Sera, I love him. Of course I'm sad that he left." Cabhar said, and Sera rolled her eyes.

 

"Well obviously the feeling wasn't mutual." She said, and Cabhar gasped at that. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, you're my friend, but I'm sick of that douche bag making you sad. He's an asshole, he left!" She said, and Cabhar started to get up.

 

"Listen, Sera, I know you mean well, but I can't do this right now." She said, wiping her glassy eyes.

 

"No, no, no," Sera said as she got up, grabbing her wrist. "I've got the perfect idea to get you over it, we're going to have so much fun let's go!" She said, barely pausing to take a breath. She walked around Cabhar, standing in front of her. "It's a great idea, come on."

 

"Sera..." She said, and then sighed.

 

"No time to consider, let's go!" Sera said and then dragged Cabhar forward by her wrist. Cabhar stumbled forward, but followed. When Sera had an idea, it was better to just go along with it. She allowed Sera to lead her to the training grounds, where they came to three training dummies. Sera had painted a face with a frown, and attached pieces of paper to either side of their heads. Were those supposed to be elf ears?

 

"Sera, what is this?" She asked as Sera handed her a bow.

 

"I figure you have some aggression to take out, and since we can't find the bastard himself, I made some." She said, motioning to the training dummies. Then, she handed her a shot of some foul smelling alcohol. Cabhar looked at it, then at Sera who was holding her own glass. Cabhar shrugged, then downed it. Sera whooped before downing her own.

 

"Okay, we'll give it a try." She said, and then notched an arrow. She lined her aim with the training dummy, then let her arrow fly. It hit the center of its face with a satisfying thunk. Cabhar notched another, and let them fly again and again.

 

"Fuck you Elfy!" Sera said with a laugh, and loosed an arrow at a dummy. Cabhar snorted, and drank another shot Sera handed to her. "Go on, yell at him! Tell him how you feel!" Sera said before taking another shot.

 

"You broke my heart, asshole!" She said before notching another arrow.

 

"Yeah, tell him!" Sera egged her on, as Cabhar hit the dummy in the chest.

 

"I love you, I trusted you, and you threw it all away! For what?" She said, and took another shot Sera offered her. Her vision was starting to blur slightly around the edges, she felt slightly off balance. "You're the worst!"

 

"He's the worst, the absolute worst!" Sera said, and her arrow hit a dummy nearly at the bottom. "Take that, right in the dangly bag!" Cabhar snorted at that, then dissolved into laughter. She swayed, and Sera tried to steady her. Both of them were laughing, and supporting each other with their arms around each other's waists. "Fuck that guy, right?"

 

"Right!" Cabhar said, wiping her eyes. They stood in silence for a moment, trying to catch their breath. "I love him, you know? But it was more than that, I thought he was gonna stick around. I trusted him, I told him things I don't just go around telling people." Her lip wobbled, and she wiped away a few tears.

 

"I know." Sera said, patting her hip where her hand still rested. "You're so much better than him, you deserve better." She said, and Cabhar nodded. "Do you want another shot?" She said, gesturing taking a drink. Cabhar nodded, and they both did another shot together. Cabhar was feeling more wobbly by the moment, but she didn't care.

 

Suddenly, Cabhar made her way over to the dummies, her hands clenched into tight fists. They were on sticks, placed in short stands to hold them up. Cabhar kicked them over, one by one, while Sera cheered in the background. She turned around with a flourish, almost falling over in the process, and bowed.

 

"Fuck yeah!" Sera said, clapping. People were looking, had been looking at them every now and then. There were soldiers of the Inquisition witnessing Cabhar's very public mental breakdown, and she didn't give a shit.

 

"Let's go, I just had a great idea for the friendship cookies." Cabhar said, and Sera giggled as they stumbled and made their way to the kitchen, leaving the training dummies lying in the dust.

 

***

 

"My dear, I've been meaning to speak with you." Vivienne said as Cabhar passed by her at breakfast the next morning. Cabhar paused as she stuffed a pastry in her face. She wiped crumbs off her mouth, motioning for Vivienne to continue. "In private, Inquisitor?" She said.

 

"Oh, of course." She said, and followed Vivienne back to the space Vivienne claimed as her room. They went out on the balcony together, and Cabhar leaned against the railing. Vivienne cleared her throat.

 

"It has come to my attention, that you are having difficulties dealing with Solas' departure." She said, and Cabhar tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. She respected Vivienne, and was afraid of what she would say. Would Vivienne tell her she just needed to get over it? After all, Vivienne lost the love of her life. Cabhar had been there, it was horrible. "Given how I recently lost my dear Bastien, I thought I could... Relate in ways that perhaps others in our quaint little group cannot."

 

"Oh," Cabhar said, breathing out a sigh of relief. She made brief eye contact with Vivienne, wringing her hands. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

 

"I miss him, you know. Everyday." She said, a faraway wistful look on her face. When she didn't say anything more, Cabhar took a deep breath.

 

"I miss Solas. It's not just that I love him, it's that I miss having him around. I told him things, secrets about myself, that I have only shared with a few people in my life." Cabhar said, and Vivienne nodded along as she spoke. "I trusted him with that, and I thought he trusted me too. I thought he would've at least told me that he was leaving. I thought he loved me enough to do that, at least."

 

"We don't know what caused him to leave." Vivienne said gently, and Cabhar shrugged. Everyone said that, but they didn't get that it didn't matter how important the reason was. She deserved to know, she deserved to be treated like a person, not someone you would call for a quick fuck and then never speak to again. "I know that must hurt, in and of itself, that he left without a word. What can I do, is there anything I can do, to make you feel better? Just give me the word, Cabhar, and I will try."

 

"There's nothing," Cabhar said, trying to hold back her tears. "I just wish everyone would stop talking about him all the time. I'm trying to get over it, I just... I just want to stop thinking about him." She said, holding onto the railing tightly, her lip wobbling.

 

"Oh, my dear," Vivienne said as she hugged Cabhar. Cabhar hugged her back, shaking. "I'm sorry." She said, and Cabhar held on tight. "Did you know, that there was a time I tried to break it off with Bastien? I was young, and I was scared because things were getting so serious between us so fast. I told him, and we argued for hours." Cabhar listened silently, arms tight around Vivienne. "I loved him so much, and I was scared. In the Circle, we are not supposed to love each other. Anything that the Templars can take, we try to hide away where they can never find it. I loved him, and he loved me, he said. I told him it wasn't that simple, and he told me that the things that are worthwhile in life are never simple."

 

"What did you do?" Cabhar asked, her voice muffled by the fabric of Vivienne's dress.

 

"I stayed with him, despite being afraid of what could happen." She said, and Cabhar pulled back slightly, so that they were facing each other in a loose embrace.

 

"I'm so afraid that he'll never come back." She said, her eyes glassy.

 

"Then embrace that fear and conquer it, my darling. As long as you sit here, afraid, he still has power over you." She said, and Cabhar nodded. "Don't give someone who doesn't value your love that kind of power." She said, rubbing Cabhar's back.

 

"How did you get to be so wise, Vivienne?" She said with a slight smile.

 

"Wise?" Vivienne raised a brow at that. "That makes me sound dreadfully old."

 

"No, no it's a good thing!" Cabhar protested, and Vivienne laughed. "Vivienne, thank you." She said after a moment of silence.

 

"Any time, my dear."

 

***

 

A month went by, and Cabhar barely noticed with all the meetings she was constantly going to. Her advisors were all arguing over what the new purpose of the Inquisition should be, and Cabhar left every meeting feeling as though they weren't any closer to a new goal. At one of those meetings, Cabhar was zoning out as Josephine and Cullen argued.

 

"Enough." Cabhar said, slamming her fist down on the table. Cullen and Josephine stopped, looking at her in surprise. "The Inquisition started to bring the people who killed the Divine to justice. Later, we resolved to defeat Corypheus. Now, both of those goals have been achieved. We argue and argue about what our new purpose should be, when we should be going back to one of the original things the Inquisition was committed to do." She looked around the table at her advisors, who looked at her in silence. "When I first went to the Hinterlands, the first thing I saw Inquisition agents doing was checking in with the local townspeople. We helped them get more food, to get more supplies to survive the winter, and did everything we could to help. Helping people has always been our purpose, and that is what we should do."

 

"Inquisitor," Josephine said, clearing her throat. "Of course we should be helping people, but how do you propose we do that?"

 

"We should focus on rebuilding areas ravaged by Corypheus. I should be out in the field closing as many rifts as I can. We should be supporting Leliana in her initiative to transform the Chantry. Most of all, when the people look to us for help, we should provide it no matter what." She said, and Zevran nodded.

 

"I agree, what is the Inquisition worth if it dedicates itself to selfish causes?" Zevran said.

 

"Then, I will write up a plan based on this. I'll submit it for your approval within the next few days. Is that acceptable, Inquisitor?" Josephine said, and Cabhar nodded.

 

"Well, Inquisitor, I think you've saved us from more midnight meetings." Cullen said, and Cabhar chuckled.

 

"I certainly hope so." She said.

 

***

 

"It feels good, to be back in the field." Cassandra said one night, a few days later. They were sitting around a camp fire. Dorian was already asleep in one tent along with Sera, who had surprisingly volunteered to take a watch after Cassandra. Usually, someone had to twist Sera's arm to get her to agree. She had looked between Cassandra and Cabhar with a smirk as she turned in, which was suspicious to Cabhar but she couldn't put a finger as to why.

 

"I agree." Cabhar said, looking up at the stars. Nights like these made her heart ache with longing to see her clan again. "It feels good to do something where I can see the results myself, not read about them in a report."

 

"I don't see how you bring yourself to read all those reports." Cassandra said, shaking her head. "I just hate reading about how others have done the work for me. Anything I would ask others to do, is only something I would do myself."

 

"An admirable goal." Cabhar said, and Cassandra shrugged at that. "I like to be kept in the loop." She said, and looked down at Cassandra across the fire. She was out of her armor, and in a loose fitting shirt tucked into a pair of more casual pants. Cabhar thought Cassandra could wear a potato sack and still look incredible. "I'm glad that you came with me, I know you're busy trying to rebuild the Seekers."

 

"I am busy with that, but my first loyalty is always to you." She said, and Cabhar struggled to suppress a wide smile.

 

"But you were a Seeker long before you met me." Cabhar said, and Cassandra nodded.

 

"Yes, but when the Seekers sided with the Templars after Kirkwall, I could not stay with them. They asked me to kill innocent people." She looked at the ground in silence for a moment, her brow furrowed. "You have never demanded I do something so horrible, so completely against any sane person's moral code. I believe that you consider the consequences of your actions carefully, that you care about people's opinions. You have earned my respect, time and time again." She said, and Cabhar rubbed the back of her neck.

 

"I don't know what to say." Cabhar said after the silence stretched on between them. "I'm grateful for your trust, and I will do everything I can to preserve it."

 

"I know you will, because you really are a good person." She said, and Cabhar remembered her words from that night. It seemed so long ago, looking back on it. _It is hard for a good person to do what you have been called to do._

 

"Hey, so are you." Cabhar said, and Cassandra met her eye for a moment. "I mean it." Cabhar looked back up at the stars when Cassandra said nothing, leaning back on her hands. "Do you ever think about how one day, long after we're dead, someone could be looking at these stars? Sometimes I wonder if they'll name a new constellation after me."

 

"You think so?" Cassandra asked.

 

"Well, Varric's always saying people are gonna tell stories about me. I wonder what they will be like in one hundred years. How will my story change? Will they even remember that I was an elf? Or will the Chantry have made me human, to make me more palatable to the masses?" She said, and then sighed.

 

"Varric may embellish his story about you, but I believe he will never let anyone forget you, who you truly are, for as long as we all live." Cassandra said softly, and Cabhar looked at her in surprise.

 

"Was that a compliment I heard? I'm telling Varric." Cabhar teased, winking at Cassandra, who rolled her eyes.

 

"Don't you dare." She said, and Cabhar laughed.

 

"There's not a thing you can do to stop me." She said, and then stuck her tongue out. Cassandra rolled her eyes again, groaning. Cabhar rubbed her arms, teeth chattering in the cold.

 

"Okay, okay, I'm going to bed before you get any more insufferable." She said, standing up. Cabhar smiled at her, trying her best to look innocent as Cassandra passed her.

 

"Good night," Cabhar said as Cassandra went into the tent.

 

"Good night," Cassandra said, her voice muffled by the thick canvas walls of the tent. A few moments later, she emerged with a thick coat in hand. Cabhar looked up as Cassandra draped it around her shoulders. "Try and stay warm." Cassandra said, and Cabhar shivered at Cassandra's warm breath on her neck. "Okay," Cassandra said as she stood up. "I'll see you in the morning." She said as she went back into her tent.

 

Cabhar moved closer to the fire, looking around now that she was alone. No signs of trouble. Yet. She sighed, her mind wandered. She wondered what Solas would think of Varric's story, and paused at the thought. They had been so busy the past few weeks, she hadn't thought of Solas in a while. After her talk with Vivienne, people mysteriously stopped offering her their sympathies. Cabhar had an idea or two about what Vivienne said or did, but would never confront Vivienne about it.

 

She hadn't heard from him, and Zevran had discovered some leads when he looked in some of the journals Solas left behind. Unfortunately, when his men went to check them out, it looked as though no one had been there in a while. Maybe Solas left those behind intentionally, to throw them off his trail. Anything was possible, Zevran had told her. A whole month since they defeated Corypheus and Solas left. The sharp ache, the pain she used to feel, had somehow dissipated. Cabhar cried so much those first weeks, she felt she had no more tears to cry over him.

 

She still missed him, and still wanted him to come back more than anything. That constant ache, the pain of him gone, was fading into background noise. If he came back tomorrow, would she still go running into his arms? No, Cabhar thought, not after how he left. A month ago, she would've taken him back no questions asked. Now... Well she had more important things to think about than her tragic love life.

 

There was a new sureness within her, that what they were doing was the right thing. The Inquisition was on the right path, and she was the one who set them on it. She had a responsibility not only to her people in the inner circle, but to the people whose lives they touched. What was more worthy, and more important of her time and energy, than that? There was certainly no worth in mooning over a boy who she would likely never see again. With that, Cabhar set her thoughts of Solas aside as best she could, took a deep breath, and picked up her bow to patrol around the camp site.

 

***

 

They had been out and about, closing rifts and helping locals for about two months. After the first month ended, Cabhar traded teams so her inner circle could get a break. She walked up the long road to Skyhold with Iron Bull, Vivienne, and Varric.

 

"So, wait, what happened?" Varric said with a laugh. Bull smirked, and nudged Varric with his elbow.

 

"You know," he said with a wink. "She rode the bull."

 

"You're saying you seduced an Orlesian diplomat while we were at the Winter Palace?" He said, and Vivienne rolled her eyes. "Suddenly I understand all those gifts that were sent to you and the Inquisition shortly after the ball." Varric said, and Cabhar snorted at that.

 

"You're incorrigible." Vivienne remarked. Bull laughed at that. As they came up to the gate, the soldiers opened it for them and they went inside. Josephine came down the stairs in a rush to greet them.

 

"Inquisitor, the new elven expert has arrived." She said, and then motioned behind her. Coming down the stairs was a short elven woman with pale skin and short dark hair. Next to her was a taller human woman with dark skin and hair tied back in a bun, she was wearing a large hat with a white feather tucked into a ribbon on the hat.

 

"Merrill!" Varric exclaimed, and the elven woman smiled wide. He looked to the other woman, and started going towards them to hug. "Isabela, it's so good to see both of you again." He said as they hugged. "You didn't tell me you were coming!"

 

"We wanted it to be a surprise!" Merrill said with a giggle.

 

"Naturally. Isabela, how's the whole admiral thing going?" He said, motioning to her hat.

 

"Oh, good. You have no idea how satisfying it is to be the boss of everyone all the time. Is this how Hawke felt?"

 

"As if Hawke could make us do anything, really." Varric said, and Merrill and Isabela laughed. "Once he bribed me with a vintage port."

 

"One time he helped me with my garden." Merrill said brightly, and Isabela smiled at her.

 

"That's sweet, kitten." She said, and kissed Merrill's cheek. Then she spotted Cabhar, and made her way over to her with Isabela and Varric in tow.

 

"Forgive my rudeness in not introducing myself sooner. I'm Merrill, the new elven expert. This is Isabela." She said, motioning to Isabela beside her.

 

"It's good to meet both of you." She said, shaking hands with both of them. "Now, I hope you'll forgive my rudeness, but I've been travelling for two months and all I want to do is sleep."

 

"Oh, of course! We'll be settling in and unpacking today, we can talk tomorrow." Merrill said. Cabhar smiled at them, and then went around them and up the stairs to the main castle. She made her way through the main hall, and then went up to her room. She put her luggage on the floor, then threw herself in the bed. Almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was asleep.

 

***

 

"That was exciting!" Merrill said as they left the war room. Cabhar raised a brow at that. "I've never been in a meeting like that before."

 

"What? One where we argue about everything?" Cabhar said.

 

"Well, you're all so different." She said, and Cabhar nodded at that.

 

"Cabhar!" Cassandra called her name from the other end of the hall, and Cabhar was glad to see her. Cassandra approached them with one hand held behind her back. "I saw these in the garden, hidden behind some other plants. I thought they were beautiful, and they deserve to be appreciated." She said as she pulled the hand out from behind her back. Cabhar's heart started pounding once she saw the flower: they were white with a blood red center. Her palms started sweating, and Merrill's jaw dropped beside her.

 

"I..." Cabhar met Cassandra's eye for a moment. Where was she supposed to look? What was she supposed to do? "Thank you." She said, and accepted the flowers from Cassandra.

 

"One of the gardeners told me they're called Andraste's Grace." She said, and Cabhar just nodded. She didn't know what to say, she had no words. "Well, I'm waiting on a letter from a fellow Seeker, I'll talk to you later." She said, and waved as she turned. Cabhar stood, dumbfounded in the middle of the hall. Giving someone Andraste's Grace was a common Dalish courting ritual, given how prevalent they were in Dalish lands. The irony of that was not lost on Cabhar.

 

Cassandra couldn't have known that. She just thought they were pretty, and that Cabhar would appreciate them, right? She wasn't sure. Cassandra was a romantic, but surely she couldn't know about Dalish courting rituals.

 

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Merrill said after a long silence.

 

"That Cassandra is following Dalish courting rituals?" Cabhar said shakily. "Yeah, yeah I'm certainly taking that into consideration."

 

"Oh, wow," Merrill said. "I'm so happy for you!"

 

"Thanks," Cabhar said, and then took in a deep breath. "Excuse me." She said. If Merrill said something, Cabhar totally missed it. She walked quickly back to her room, flowers clutched tightly in her hands. She slammed the door behind her, and practically ran up the stairs. She threw the flowers down on her desk, and went out on the balcony. What the actual fuck was that? Did Cassandra know? She couldn't have known. There was no way Cassandra was versed in Dalish courting rituals. Did Cassandra have feelings for her? No. No way. Cabhar wasn't sure she was even over Solas yet.

 

She didn't love him anymore, she couldn't love someone she'd never see again. It had been painful, and she cried a lot over the last three months, but she couldn't be in love and crying over him while she had an Inquisition to run. She thought about Cassandra, about the light reflecting off her dark hair, how it looked like she had stars in her eyes in certain lighting. She thought about Cassandra's love of literature and poetry, about how she had always been there for Cabhar. Was Cassandra in love with her?

 

Okay, Cabhar thought as she took a deep breath. One courting ritual was probably a coincidence. Two courting rituals, however, was probably not. She would wait, and see if Cassandra did anything else. After all, she thought, there was no way Cassandra was secretly in love with her. Right? Right. Cabhar thought, and took another deep breath.

 

***

 

A week passed of Cabhar avoiding Cassandra at all costs. She was still trying to sort out how to act around her, especially since she couldn't figure out what she was supposed to do. Was she supposed to give her things, as if they were actually courting? Would that make it weird? Well, weirder than it already was between them. Every time Merrill saw her and Cassandra in even remotely the same area, she would get all smiley. It made Cabhar's eye twitch.

 

"Cabhar, wait." Cabhar sighed when she heard Cassandra call her. She paused, knowing if she kept walking she would make it even weirder between them. "Did I do something wrong?" She said as she walked around to stand in front of Cabhar.

 

"No, no," Cabhar said. Cassandra stared at her, and Cabhar didn't know what to say. "Okay, I'll see you later." She said, starting to walk away. Cassandra grabbed her wrist to stop her.

 

"I've been trying to figure it out, and I just don't know what I did. If I upset you, just tell me." She said, and Cabhar fumbled for a response, opening her mouth several times to speak and then closing it while her mind raced.

 

"I... Well..." She said, and then cleared her throat. "It's nothing, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just, I'm just trying to figure some things out right now. I'm sorry for ignoring you." She said. Cassandra sighed, and then nodded. Her face was blank, and Cabhar knew she didn't quite believe her. What could she say? Hey Cassandra, did you know that you're courting me in Dalish culture? No. No way.

 

"Okay." She said, and let go of Cabhar's wrist. They stood there in awkward silence for a few moments.

 

"I should go." She said, and Cassandra said nothing as she left. She went back to her room, knowing she most likely wouldn't be disturbed. As she walked up the stairs, she saw something on her desk. As she got closer, she saw it was a package wrapped in brown paper. On it was a note. Oh, it was something from Cassandra. Cabhar's heart pounded as she opened the package. Inside was a beautiful grey cloak. A tag was attached to it, which read: hopefully this will keep you warm on our future travels. The requisition officer said wolf fur was the best for- Cabhar dropped the tag like it burned her hands.

 

Cabhar's breath caught in her throat. Her eyes flicked over to the vase of Andraste's Grace. One Dalish courting ritual was a coincidence. Two Dalish courting rituals were not. Creators. What was she supposed to do? She had to talk to Cassandra, but what was she going to say? She knew the only person who would understand was Merrill. Cabhar put the cloak on the desk, and then left her room. Merrill had set up in a room right off the garden, and that was where Cabhar found her reading reports.

 

"Oh, Inquisitor," she said as she stood up. "What can I help you with?" She said with a bright smile. Cabhar closed the door, and then sat across from Merrill at the desk. Merrill sat down too, looking at Cabhar curiously.

 

"It's about Cassandra." She began, and then sighed. "I don't think she realizes that she's falling into Dalish courting rituals."

 

"Oh," Merrill said, and did she sound disappointed? "So those flowers, they didn't mean anything?"

 

"I don't know." Cabhar said, throwing her hands up in the air. "Today she gave me a cloak made of wolf fur." She said, and Merrill gasped. "I know. But she is incredibly clueless of Dalish culture, I think I'm her first Dalish friend and I have never talked about courting rituals with her."

 

"Maybe she did some research, because she wanted to follow your culture." Merrill suggested, and Cabhar raised a brow.

 

"Do you have any idea which book that could be?" She said, and Merrill furrowed her brow in thought. Then she shrugged, and Cabhar sighed. "How can I tell if she's doing it on purpose, or on accident?"

 

"Well, have you asked her?" Merrill said, and Cabhar laughed.

 

"I can't do that!" She said.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because!" Cabhar said, and then crossed her arms. Merrill leaned back in her chair, a soft smile on her face.

 

"You know, I had a crush on Isabela for the longest time. I didn't know what to do about it, I couldn't just tell her. Then, one day, Isabela told me how she felt. I was so happy, and I knew I never would've initiated it because I was so shy. She took the leap, and I'm so grateful that she did." She said, making eye contact with Cabhar. Cabhar knew it was supposed to inspire her to take the same leap of faith Isabela had done so long ago. At least Isabela probably had strong suspicions that Merrill had a crush on her. Cabhar, on the other hand, had no idea what Cassandra felt.

 

"I appreciate what you're trying to say, but I have no idea how Cassandra feels." She said softly. Merrill nodded, and put a hand on top of Cabhar's.

 

"You'll never know if you just keep it all inside." She said, and then looked at Cabhar seriously. "What do you feel?"

 

"I don't know. I don't know if Varric told you, but the man I was in love with left me. Cassandra is my best friend, she's been so good to me during this whole thing. I... I don't know what I'd do without her."

 

"But do you see her as more than a friend?" Merrill said, and Cabhar went quiet for a moment. When she thought about Cassandra, she thought of her strength in the face of anything, her supporting Cabhar even when she didn't agree, the way she looked at her when they were alone, how she threw her head back when she laughed, the smile she reserved just for Cabhar, and... Shit. Merrill nodded, and Cabhar sighed, scrubbing a hand across her face.

 

"Fuck," she said quietly. Merrill patted her hand. "I know what I have to do." She said.

 

"Good luck."

 

***

 

A few nights later, Cassandra and Cabhar were taking a walk on the battlements after another game of wicked grace. Their conversation had come to a stand still as they walked. Cabhar had been thinking of what she wanted to say over the past few days, but in the moment she didn't know what to do.

 

"Will you just say whatever it is you're afraid to tell me?" Cassandra said finally, stopping. Cabhar came to a stop haltingly, almost tripping over her feet in surprise. "Frankly, I would rather you just say it."

 

"I... Uh..." Cabhar said. Her palms were sweating, her heart was pounding. Fuck, why did this suck so hard? Why was this so hard? "Have I ever told you about Dalish courting rituals?" She said, and Cassandra raised a brow. "Merrill and I were talking about our experiences as Dalish women earlier today, and we talked about them." She said, which was a complete lie. "When a Dalish elf wants to show their interest in someone, they give them Andraste's Grace." Cassandra's eyes widened as she understood where Cabhar was going with this conversation. "Another common gift is a wolf pelt." She said, and Cassandra looked at her, her face completely unreadable.

 

They stood in silence, Cabhar's posture stiff. Her mouth felt dry, even though she had drank a lot more than she probably should have. She thought booze was supposed to make you brave, but she didn't feel that at all. Was the faint queasiness the alcohol, or the nervousness of confronting Cassandra? She couldn't tell.

 

"Well, say something." She said after a long few minutes of silence.

 

"I..." Cassandra shook her head. "I don't know what to say."

 

"Did you know, when you gave those gifts to me, what they meant?" She asked, taking a step closer. Cassandra took a step back, and Cabhar felt her heart sink.

 

"I have to go." She said, and turned on her heel.

 

"Cassandra!" Cabhar called after her, but Cassandra kept walking. Cabhar sniffed, wiping her eyes. Shit. How could it have been a coincidence? She considered running after Cassandra, but what would that help? No, what Cassandra needed was space. Cabhar turned, and went back to her room. As soon as the door closed behind her, she put a hand over her mouth as she choked back a sob.

 

She liked Cassandra. She had finally come to terms with that, and now she knew Cassandra didn't feel the same. Cabhar threw herself onto the bed, and buried her face in her pillow. How did she fuck up so bad? What about her was so fundamentally unlovable that she drove away the man she loved, and her best friend? Please, she thought, please just let me get what I want for once.

 

***

 

Sometimes, when Cabhar needed to vent to someone who would listen with no judgment, she would talk to Blackwall. After she forgave him for his deception, he was the person she came to when she needed to talk to someone who would just listen. She loved her friends, but they all had such strong and differing opinions on what she should do. Blackwall, however just listened to her.

 

"Hey," she said as she entered the barn. Blackwall was sitting in front of the fire, whittling something. He looked up when she came in, and motioned to the chair next to him.

 

"Hey, what brings you all the way out here?" He said, going back to whittling.

 

"I have to talk to you about something." She said, and Blackwall nodded. She took a deep breath. "So, hypothetically, if someone liked someone else, and the other person was flirting with them unwittingly, does that mean they like them? Like, if they were giving them gifts and stuff, does that mean they secretly like them?" She said. Blackwall paused his whittling and sighed, then looked at Cabhar.

 

"Maker, this isn't about Cassandra, is it?" She said, and Cabhar's jaw dropped before she laughed nervously.

 

"What? No!" She said, and Blackwall raised a brow. "Okay, fine, yes." She said, and sighed. "How did you know?"

 

"We have a betting pool on when you two will get together." He said with a smirk, and Cabhar sputtered at that. "Sera owes me."

 

"I don't want to know." Cabhar said, and Blackwall chuckled. "So, I asked her if she was flirting with me and she literally ran away. Like, I'm not joking, she literally ran away."

 

"She just hasn't come to terms with it. Give her time." She said, and Cabhar groaned at that. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but if you push her she'll just clam up even more." He said, and Cabhar nodded. She sighed, and leaned back in her chair while watching the fire. "Do you want to try?" He said, and she nodded. He handed her a small piece of wood and a knife. "Let's see if you can making something that's not monstrous this time."

 

"You're gonna eat those words." She said, and he laughed.

 

***

 

"Oh, Cabhar, join me." Dorian said as he lifted up a bottle of wine. Cabhar went over to him, in the little corner he had made his own in the library. He reclined in a chair, and Cabhar sat on the chaise lounge across from him. He had two glasses in his other hand, and handed one to her. He poured the wine for them, and they clinked glasses before drinking. "I've heard rumors, all sorts of interesting ones, from all over Skyhold."

 

"Is that so?" Cabhar said, trying to keep her face neutral. Dorian was examining her, and she knew he was dying to ask her a million questions.

 

"Come on, out with it." He said, and Cabhar shrugged. "I heard Cassandra gave you flowers. Cassandra? Flowers? That can only mean one thing." He said, and winked. Cabhar rolled her eyes.

 

"I'm almost one hundred percent sure she didn't mean it like that." She said, and Dorian raised a brow at that.

 

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." He said, and Cabhar took a long drink.

 

"So, you wanted to interrogate me, is that it?" She said, and Dorian looked at her as though he was trying to convince her of his innocence.

 

"We all thought you were getting out of your funk, but now, you're moping around again." He said, and Cabhar frowned. "We're all just... concerned."

 

"Pour me some more wine." Cabhar said, and Dorian obliged. She took a long drink, and then made eye contact with Dorian. "She followed Dalish courting rituals and didn't even know it."

 

"Ouch," Dorian said before taking a drink. "Cultural misunderstandings are a huge headache." He said, and Cabhar smirked.

 

"Yeah? How huge?" She said, waggling her brows. Dorian groaned, and then took another drink. Cabhar snorted, and decided to lie on the chaise lounge. "My love life is a disaster." She said, and then took a long drink. "I'm going to die alone, Dorian."

 

"You absolutely are not. You're lovely, and kind, and if I was straight you'd bet I'd be fighting Cassandra for you as we speak." He said, and Cabhar laughed. He leaned over, patting her on the arm. "If Cassandra doesn't see what I see, then she doesn't deserve you."

 

"You're so nice to me." She said, wiping away tears from her eyes. "You better cut it out, you'll ruin your reputation."

 

"Nonsense, I'll just sass Mother Giselle some more. That'll do the trick." He said, and Cabhar chuckled at that. "What do you say, think we can finish the bottle?"

 

"You're on," she said, lifting her glass up for him to refill.

 

***

 

Cassandra was avoiding her. She had been for the last week, and Cabhar hated every moment of it. Sometimes she would think of something, and want to talk Cassandra about it. Then she would remember that Cassandra probably hated her now, and there was nothing she could do to fix it. Cabhar was walking the battlements, deep in thought, when she bumped into someone. She looked up, ready to apologize, but the words died on her tongue when she realized Cassandra was in front of her.

 

"You didn't hear me." Cassandra said, rubbing the back of her neck. "I was trying to get your attention."

 

"Oh, sorry." She said, and they stood in awkward silence. "Well, I'll see you later I guess." She said, starting to take a step around Cassandra when Cassandra grabbed her wrist.

  
"Wait, I need to say something." She said, and then cleared her throat. Cassandra took a hand out from behind her back, and handed Cabhar a bouquet of Andraste's Grace. "I wanted to give this you, now that I know what it means, for real this time. After all the time we've spent together, after I've gotten to know you, I've realized what a wonderful person you are. You're my best friend, but I'm willing to see what could happen between us. All this time, I thought I wanted someone to sweep me off my feet." Cassandra said, and reached out to hold Cabhar's hand in hers. "Now, I see I enjoy romancing you just as much." She said, a soft smile on her face.

 

"Cassandra... I..." Cabhar shook her head, and got on her tiptoes. Cassandra met her halfway, and when their lips met something clicked for Cabhar for the first time. It was soft, and gentle, and everything Cabhar ever wanted. When Cabhar pulled away, she put her hand full of flowers on Cassandra's shoulder. "You are the most extraordinary woman I have ever known."

 

"So, I guess this means you feel the same way?" Cassandra said, her hand resting tentatively on Cabhar's waist.

 

"Actually, no, but I am keeping the flowers." Cabhar teased, and Cassandra rolled her eyes. "Yeah, obviously I like you."

 

"Good, because I endured an hour long lecture on courting rituals from Merrill." She said, and Cabhar snorted.

 

"Was it worth it?" She said, and Cassandra smirked.

 

"Yes," she said and winked. Cabhar rolled her eyes, and kissed her again. _Mom, how do you know that you really love someone?_ Cabhar had asked her mother when she was fourteen, and had a silly crush on a girl in the clan. _You just do, lethallan. It's something you feel with your heart, not something you know._ Finally, Cabhar understood what she meant. How could she have ever thought Solas was it for her, when a love like this was in front of her the whole time?

 

"Do you wanna get out of here?" She said, and Cassandra chuckled.

 

"Whatever will people say?" She said, and Cabhar rolled her eyes. She tugged on Cassandra's hand, and they went down the battlements giggling together.

 

***

 

"On aching branch do blossoms grow, the wind a hallowed breath." Cabhar started to recite the poem as soon as Cassandra came up the path lit by candles. "It carries the scent of honeysuckle, sweet as the lover's kiss." She said, raising her eyebrows suggestively as she leaned forward towards Cassandra. Cassandra rolled her eyes, and pushed Cabhar away playfully. Cabhar laughed as she walked forward.

 

"It brings the promise of more tomorrows, of sighs and whispered bliss." She said as she went up the candlelit path. She turned with a flourish and got on one knee, holding the poetry book up.

 

"Seriously?" Cassandra said.

 

"Oh, I am one hundred percent serious." Cabhar said with a smirk.

 

"That's the serious poem you chose?" She said, and Cabhar shrugged.

 

"I thought it was nice." She said, and then stood up and handed Cassandra the book.

 

"I thought this book was banned." Cassandra said as she skimmed the pages.

 

"Her lips on mine speak words not voiced, a prayer." She said, and Cabhar smirked knowing she changed the pronouns. Cassandra met her eyes and blushed as she stood with her back against a tree. "Which travels down my spine like flames that shatter night. Her eyes reflect heaven's stars, the Maker's light." She said as Cabhar walked around the tree to stand behind her. "My body opens, filled and blessed, my spirit there."

 

"Not merely housed in flesh, but brought to life." Cabhar said, reading the last line of the poem. Cassandra turned to face her, a soft smile on her face.

 

"You really did all this, just for me?" She asked, and Cabhar put an arm around her waist. "The candles, the moonlight, the poetry..." She said with a sigh. "Were you making a list while I waxed poetic or something?"

 

"There was an actual list, if that's what you wanted to know." She said, and Cassandra chuckled. "I wanted to sweep you off your feet, just like in the stories."

 

"You're too much sometimes, do you know that?" She said, and Cabhar just shrugged. "Come here, you absolute sap." Cassandra said, and then surged forward to kiss Cabhar.

 

***

 

"You once wondered how people would interpret your story a hundred years from now." Cassandra said as they lay naked on a blanket under the moonlight, the candles burning down ever lower around them. "Now, I wonder if people will believe that we were meant to be, or if people will say you took me from the path of faith with your wiles."

 

"That's me, I'm full of feminine wiles." She said, and Cassandra hit her playfully. "I've come to realize that no matter how we try to control our story, we can't really control it fully. I'm sure Varric will write about us, he may even publish a romance series loosely based on us."

 

"Do you trust him to portray us accurately?"

 

"Oh no, he's too prone to exaggeration." She said, and Cassandra laughed at that. Cabhar turned over on her side, resting her head on her hand. "I know that, no matter what history thinks of us, what we have right here, right now, that's what's important to me. We matter." She said, and Cassandra smiled up at her.

 

"I love you." Cassandra said, and Cabhar grinned.

 

"I love you too." She said, and then rested her head on Cassandra's collarbone. Cassandra put an arm around Cabhar. "I wish you had accidentally courted me sooner." She teased, and Cassandra snorted. This love that had been in front of her for so long, Cabhar thought, this was a love worth waiting for.


End file.
